The Value We Place

I’ve been thinking a lot about value lately. Not monetary value or the cost of something, but how we care for the things—and people—we value.

A mother could need or want something for herself while, at the same time, her child needs or wants something. I imagine a mother putting her own needs and wants aside for her child.

What does that say about what she values?

In that moment, she places the value of her child above herself.

That made me wonder if we give to people based on our perception of their worth or based on our feelings toward them. If someone hurts me, does that change their value to me? Do they have to perform a certain way for my perception of their value to increase again?

When I think about my children, I don’t think their value changes. My feelings change, but their value to me doesn’t.

So what do we give when we find something or someone valuable?

If it’s an item, we care for it, prioritize it, and protect it. With people, maybe it’s time, attention, affection, meeting a need, money, gifts, space, effort, or even a hard truth.

But how much of what we consider valuable comes from our own experiences?

My dad was a truck driver and was gone over the road much of the time. He sacrificed his time and presence to provide, not just for our family’s needs but our wants too. When he was home, he showed love. I felt loved, valued, and cherished.

Maybe that’s why I associate value so strongly with sacrifice.

On the other hand, my mother wasn’t very affectionate, at least toward me, and as an adult I find affection difficult too. So if I’m not showing affection, could someone else perceive that as me not valuing them?

Can someone think they’re doing so much for you but still be missing the mark?

Absolutely.

We’re individuals, so what we perceive as an act of value may not be the same for everyone. Our experiences shape both how we show value and how we expect to receive it.

But there is care in the try.

Trying to be more affectionate even though it isn’t natural to me shows care. My poor kids. 😂 They push me in ways I probably need the push, and I oblige because they are valuable to me.

Maybe that’s part of it too. If something isn’t important to me but it matters to someone I value, doesn’t their value to me make it matter?

And what about sacrifice?

If every time I want or need something it has to be equally reciprocated, is that really value? Is everything supposed to be tit for tat?

I think as women, we want to feel cherished. We want to know that sometimes, among everything competing for someone’s time, attention, money, or effort, we are valuable enough to be chosen.

Not always. But sometimes there should simply be a this time, you.

This is where I think experience and expectation collide.

We learn what being valued looks like through our experiences and carry those expectations into our relationships. Someone may genuinely value us and still miss the mark because what value looks like to them isn’t what it looks like to us.

But I also believe we care for what we value, and eventually that has to show up somewhere in our actions, choices, priorities, or willingness to try.

And the more I thought about value, sacrifice, and what we’re willing to give for what we love, the more I realized that God already gave us the greatest example.

“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son…” — John 3:16

He loved, so He gave.

Not because we performed well enough to earn it. He gave because He loved us.

And maybe that answers one of the questions I started with. If God doesn’t make our value dependent on perfect performance, maybe we shouldn’t be so quick to do that to each other either. Feelings change. People disappoint us. Sometimes relationships change. But worth is something deeper than how someone performed today.

Maybe people will always miss the mark sometimes. Maybe our expectations won’t always match reality. And yes, I think people’s choices can tell us something about what they value.

But they don’t get to determine what we are worth.

If I ever question my value because of what someone else is—or isn’t—willing to give, I can look at what God already gave.

We care for what we value.

And the cross tells me everything I need to know about how deeply He values me.